The Dark Side of Law School

Although so far law school has been awesome, I wanted to do a fun post about the types of people you meet in law school. I have mentioned that my fellow students are generally helpful and willing to engage in productive discussion, share notes, or just kick back and relax, but there is also a decent sized group that are none of these. They include:

1) The Law and Order Lawyer
This is the guy (at least in my experience) who watched Law and Order, maybe read some John Grisham, seen Philadelphia. While the professor presents the basis of tort law with a short example, he raises the point that, "Can't under the fair rights rule of Jamaica, a pleading for non sequitur relief be a mitigating factor in the pertinent sections?" No, just because you saw it on television once, does not a) mean its real or b) mean that you have even the most basic understanding of the concept. Please stop making the professor spend class time explaining minor details of law that most of us will never run into. If you want to play the hypothetical games, the professor has office hours. You are just confusing us.

2) Ms. High School Valedictorian
This is the young lady (again, in my experience) who just... can;t... stop... trying... so... hard. You know she was high school valedictorian, honor council, college student body rep, and in her majors honor society, well of course, thats a given, oh, and she also did an internship at "Big Important Firm," oh, you never heard of it, its in DC, they do, like, property things. She is the one who is in the library before class, then in the front row of class, then back in the library. You can't sit near her, else you go into epileptic seizures when she opens her casebook, fully highlighted in more florescent and scented colors than God and Crayola, in all their mightiness, were able to create. That's right, she has created her own highlighting colors.

Of course, she might be a good person to talk to, except you have never seen her emerge from behind the pile of supplemental and extra materials surrounding her.

3) The Internet Addict
Laptops in class are wonderful. I also enjoy the soft sounds of rain that occurs as 100+ people begin typing at once every time the professor recites a statute. The internet is also wonderful. My daily mood is directly proportional to the amount of time I am able to spend online.

Having said that, there are people who come to class to sign the attendance sheet and use the internet. Ladies are generally shopping, while the guys are usually abusing Gmail chat.

I am sure professors hate it, but if nothing else, so do your fellow classmates. Its distracting enough, we are already struggling to resist the temptation ourselves. Also, stop wasting our time by asking "Can you repeat that?" when you decide you want the notes after your Nordstrom purchase confirms.

4) The Panic Inducers
These are the harried students that just can't get a handle on their own lives/studies, but instead of buckling down in the library or seeking counseling, they attempt to infect as many of their fellow students as possible. I will illustrate this with two case studies:

Case One: This student is probably doing well enough, judging by the amount of notes he has in class. He also feels comfortable speaking in class, sometimes being right on point, sometimes being completely off base. Still, he tells you in a hushed voice that he is going to the post orientation orientation (Oh, forgot to mention that, law school orientation at UB lasts all through your first year) on study skills. "But you sat next to me at yesterday's session, and they are giving the same presentation, plus there is no free pizza this time," you point out. "Well, I am still a little worried about my case briefing format. In my criminal law class I sometimes only write the first citation down, and in Torts I made a mistake in subject-verb agreement." What does this have to do with law school? Nothing. Will you fix this by going to a time management class? No. Has a single professor OR TA OR Law Scholar asked me for A SINGLE brief? No. But still, this kid is panicking about his briefing format, and abusing the continual orientations. But he tells everyone this, and they all then panic, "Wait, I haven't done a brief, did I miss an assignment? Are they being collected? Subject - Verb agreement isn't in the casebook? Is it in the Law Dictionary? On West Law?"

Case Two: This student can't go a single TA or Law Scholar Session without asking about final exams and outlines. Even though each time she is told "You have only had two classes, don't worry about it yet," she can't stop biting her nails. Therefore, the TA spends YOUR ENTIRE HOUR AND A HALF LUNCH answering questions about exams, and all the other students are trying to understand the lecture. Also, for some reason, this girl seems to know every other law student in the country. "Well, at UVA they fail if you are unable to answer when cold called. My friend at Yale has already done two outlines for all his classes. I hear at Maryland they read six casebooks per day." Great. You go to those schools and do that, I am going to finish my UB syllabus in the meantime.

Why are these two so rough? Well, for one, they tend to spread the panic needlessly. They also tend to waste time with personal questions during class when the rest of the student body is trying to learn. Hey, all the professors have office hours, most the law scholars gave out their cell phone numbers and all gave their email addresses. Use them, and let's learn during class. Also, its annoying.

5) The guy who always asks a question but is really trying to make a point.
Oh wait, that's me, but I am sure my peers see right through it.

Ok, so this post got really long really fast. And please, try to see the humor in it. Any other law students you just know will be in class, as much as you wish they weren't?